Becoming Myself – Our Next Book Club Selection

In our recent book club discussion, we delved into Dolly Alderton’s Everything I Know About Love. This book was one of those catalyzing books where some people really seemed to dislike it while others (like myself) liked it enough to read it twice.

What really stood out to me was the profound importance of an engaging beginning. The first few chapters of this book posed a challenge,  causing some readers to stop reading and miss out on the later, more meaningful parts of the book. For some, the initial chapters even seemed to cast a lingering shadow, coloring perceptions and influencing how subsequent parts of the book were interpreted.

Here are some articles on why opening chapters are so important and ideas on improving them: 

• Memoir-What Makes a Good First Chapter – Lilly Dancyger
• What Goes Into the First Chapter – Louisa Deasy
• How to Write a Good First Chapter – The Write Practice

Some members expressed a desire for more context, wondering what shaped Dolly’s character and behaviors – her lack of self-respect and binge drinking. This highlighted the importance of weaving family history or formative moments into memoirs, enabling readers to better understand the journey of self-discovery.

The diversity of our group was reflected in the varying reactions to the book. The generation gap emerged as a factor influencing how the narrative was received. Dolly was 30 when she wrote this book. Those closer to that age shared more in common with her and liked the book more. Not everyone will like your book, do you know who will? Here are 20 Questions to Ask Yourself About Your Target Audience.

Throughout the memoir, Dolly included fake letters, lists of things she’d learned about love, and recipes. Readers particularly seemed to enjoy the recipes, but some felt that these items took them out of the story.

Some felt that Dolly’s story was superficial and that she didn’t dig into deeper topics and didn’t grow as a person. Personally, I really enjoyed how she approached topics that are sort of taboo to speak about, such as being jealous of those around her finding partners easily, and there were some great gems that showed her character growth. Here’s a nice article about Point of View and Character Transformation in Memoir along with some nice prompts: https://janefriedman.com/pov-in-memoir/

Here are some questions for you to ponder and journal about for your own memoir:

• Are your first pages engaging?
• Is there an inciting incident that could be pulled up to the beginning to hook the reader?
• Do you know what your character arc is?
• Some say that all memoirists are self-absorbed. How do we find the balance between writing a story about “me” or what happened to “me” to a story that a universal “us” can relate to?
• How do I make the “me” in my story a likable, real person who can reach through the pages to connect with my reader?
• Who is the ideal audience for my book (be specific!)?
• Could the addition of unconventional items such as lists, letters, or recipes improve my book or distract from the story?

Another thing that this discussion reminded me is how surprisingly helpful it can be to read a book that you might not like. This exercise can help us identify issues that we would like to avoid in our own writing. I hope these questions and resources help you improve your own memoirs.

~Christina

This time, we’ll be discussing:
Becoming Myself – A Psychiatrist’s Memoir by Irvin Yalom.

What it’s about:
Irvin D. Yalom has made a career of investigating the lives of others. In this profound memoir, he turns his writing and his therapeutic eye on himself. He opens his story with a nightmare: He is twelve, and is riding his bike past the home of an acne-scarred girl. Like every morning, he calls out, hoping to befriend her, “Hello, Measles!” But in his dream, the girl’s father makes Yalom understand that his daily greeting had hurt her. For Yalom, this was the birth of empathy; he would not forget the lesson. As Becoming Myself unfolds, we see the birth of the insightful thinker whose books have been a beacon to so many. This is not simply a man’s life story, Yalom’s reflections on his life and development are an invitation for us to reflect on the origins of our own selves and the meanings of our lives.

You can find current and past book club questions here: https://memoirmentors.com/book-club-questions/

 Sign up here:

Whether you’re just getting started or are working on your fifth memoir, this session is for you. Memoir Mentors is a generous and warm community of people from all walks of life and all experience levels.

This isn’t a Q&A; it’s an open conversation where we all bring our questions, share experiences, and navigate the challenging and rewarding terrain of memoir writing together.

Bring your questions and wisdom about anything and everything, such as:

• How to Get Started
• Overcoming Blocks & Challenges
• How to Write About Family Members
• Marketing
• How to Get Your Name Out There
• Launching a Newsletter
• Crafting an Author Website

This session will be a collaborative space where your curiosity sparks discussions that enrich us all.

This isn’t just a one-time event; it’s a stepping stone to future sessions tailored to what matters most to our community.
Your knowledge and questions will play a crucial role in shaping the direction of our upcoming offerings.

I’d prefer that you sign up through Meetup so I know who to expect and so that you know what the agenda is for the week, but if that’s too problematic, you can go directly to the Zoom link that we use every week:
https://zoom.us/j/4400465879?pwd=R0Y0RUp4YjAvdnJCODV0MkhNMXlmdz09

February 15: Write then Read:
https://www.meetup.com/memoir-mentors/events/dzsxftygcdbtb/
February 22: Speaking Your Story:
https://www.meetup.com/memoir-mentors/events/dzsxftyfcqbcc/
February 29: Memoir Writing Round Table:
https://www.meetup.com/memoir-mentors/events/dzsxftygcdbtb/
March 7: Write Then Read:
https://www.meetup.com/memoir-mentors/events/txsxftygcfbkb/
March 14: Write then Read:
https://www.meetup.com/memoir-mentors/events/vxsxftygcfbsb/
March 21: Book Club – Becoming Myself:
https://www.meetup.com/memoir-mentors/events/dzsxftygcfbcc/
March 28: Speaking Your Story:
https://www.meetup.com/memoir-mentors/events/qfgxdtygcfblc/