Book Club

Book Club Questions

Book specific questions coming when I get around to posting them (I need to read the book first!) 

Here are some generic questions 

• Share your favorite quote(s) and why you felt it was noteworthy.
• Would you be compelled to keep reading if this were not a book club assignment?
• What did you think of the book’s length?
• Were there any surprises? Were they effective?
• What were the major strengths and weaknesses of the book?
• Do you find the narrator(s) and other characters likable? Believable?
• Of all the people described in the book, who did you most relate to or empathize with, and why?
• Were there any inconsistencies that bothered you?
• What gaps do you wish the author had filled in? Were there points where you thought she shared too much?
• Is there anything you would like to emulate or avoid in your own writing?

Book Club Questions

Book specific questions coming when I get around to posting them (I need to read the book first!) 

Here are some generic questions 

• Share your favorite quote(s) and why you felt it was noteworthy.
• Would you be compelled to keep reading if this were not a book club assignment?
• What did you think of the book’s length?
• Were there any surprises? Were they effective?
• What were the major strengths and weaknesses of the book?
• Do you find the narrator(s) and other characters likable? Believable?
• Of all the people described in the book, who did you most relate to or empathize with, and why?
• Were there any inconsistencies that bothered you?
• What gaps do you wish the author had filled in? Were there points where you thought she shared too much?
• Is there anything you would like to emulate or avoid in your own writing?

Book Club Questions

Genre & Truth-Telling
This memoir spans four generations and includes scenes and inner thoughts the author couldn’t have personally witnessed. How do you feel about this blending of fact and imagined truth in memoir? Is it still memoir if it includes so much from others’ perspectives?

Narrative Distance
The author herself doesn’t appear until more than halfway through the book. How does this affect your experience of the memoir? Does it still feel personal and emotionally grounded?

Cultural Storytelling Traditions
One reader mentioned the book felt very “Chinese” in style—less linear and more folkloric. How did this narrative approach impact your reading experience? Did it feel different from Western memoirs we’ve read?

Use of Real Names
Qin chose to use real names in her memoir, stating that her family’s stories were too precious to fictionalize. What are the risks and rewards of doing this? How do you feel about changing names in your own writing?

Scope & Structure
The book spans four generations, covering an enormous sweep of history. We’re usually instructed to choose a narrower focus for memoir. Did you ever feel overwhelmed by the scope, or did it work for you? Have you ever considered writing an ancestor’s memoir?

Voice & Perspective
Many scenes are told from the perspectives of characters other than the author. Did this narrative choice work for you as a reader? As a writer, how would you approach telling stories you didn’t personally live through?

Historical Memoir vs. Historical Fiction
Qin is now writing a historical fiction novel. What do you think makes Once Our Lives a memoir rather than historical fiction? Would it have worked better under a different label? Does this book make you more or less inclined to read historical fiction in the future?

Angela’s Ashes Comparison
Someone observed that the book seemed to be a “Chinese version of Angela’s Ashes,” and Qin herself named Frank McCourt as a major influence. Do you see the connection? What elements of storytelling or tone feel similar?

Craft & Cultural Context
The memoir includes many scenes involving folklore, superstition, and Chinese history. How did these enrich or challenge your understanding of character and setting? How does culture influence the way a memoir is told?

What Did You Learn?
Many members said they were glad to read this for the insight into the Chinese Cultural Revolution. What stuck with you most? Was there a moment or image you’ll remember? 

• Share your favorite quote(s) and why you felt it was noteworthy.
• Would you be compelled to keep reading if this were not a book club assignment?
• What did you think of the book’s length?
• Were there any surprises? Were they effective?
• What were the major strengths and weaknesses of the book?
• Do you find the narrator(s) and other characters likable? Believable?
  Of all the people described in the book, who did you most relate to or empathize with, and why?
• Were there any inconsistencies that bothered you?
• What gaps do you wish the author had filled in? Were there points where you thought she shared too much?
• Is there anything you would like to emulate or avoid in your own writing?

Book Club Questions

1. Structure & Pacing

• Carlyn seems to have taken Vonnegut’s advice—“Start as close to the end as possible”—and opens the book with the adoption reveal. Is this something you’ve considered doing in your own memoir? Do you think it works?
• Did the ending feel fulfilling to you? She hints early on at a big secret—did it pay off?
• How did you feel about the pacing overall? Did any parts drag or feel too fast?

2. Information & What’s Left Out

• She drops in the junkyard and her husband without much explanation. Did you want more context—or do you like being dropped into the middle and figuring it out?
• As memoirists, how do we decide what to leave in or out? When might withholding be intentional, and when might we need to go deeper?
• What do you think about what was left out? Was anything missing for you? Were there pieces that felt that they didn’t belong?

3. Childhood Voice & Perspective

• I really liked the magical thinking in the childhood sections—it helped me remember how I used to see the world. Did that work for you?
• How well do you think she captured her younger self’s voice and feelings?
• How do we, as memoirists, balance a child’s voice with adult reflection?

4. Use of Dreams

• Carlyn writes about dreams more than I expected. How did you feel about that?
• Have you ever written about dreams? Have you been told not to because they’re “boring”?
• Do you think dreams can be useful for symbolism or insight?

5. Themes: Shame, Identity, and Belonging

• She writes a lot about not fitting in, being embarrassed by her home, and not knowing the full story of her life.
• Did those parts resonate with you? Have you written about similar feelings?
• Do you think she could have made the connection between her adoption reveal and the feeling of not fitting in clearer?

6. Family & Complicated Relationships

• The author clearly has conflicting emotions about her mother. She portrays examples of how her mother’s actions were both loving and cold. Do you feel like she portrayed this complex relationship well? Did she go too far one way or the other?
• How do we avoid flattening family members into villains or saints, and what happens if we try too hard to be “fair”?
• Did you feel like she was holding anything back or leaving things out to protect people in her story?

7. Comparing Our Stories to Others

• Was anyone here adopted? Do you think this book hits differently for those who were?
• How did your own family experiences affect how you read this memoir?
• How do we deal with the fact that readers may compare their pain to ours—or think we “didn’t have it that bad”?

8. As Writers

• Did anything in this book give you ideas for your own writing?
• Anything you’d like to try—or avoid?
• Were there any choices she made that surprised or inspired you?

9. General Book Club Questions

• What was your favorite quote, and why?
• Would you have kept reading if this weren’t a book club pick?
• Was the book too long, too short, or just right?
• What were its biggest strengths? Any weaknesses?
• Did the characters feel real to you? Were there any gaps or inconsistencies?

Book Club Questions

1. Scene & Structure
   • Angelou often paints vivid pictures of her life and childhood without using a traditional “scene” format. Did you notice this? Where did you see concrete, specific moments that grounded you in place and time?
   • What did you notice about the structure of the memoir? She covers years of her life, often leaping between events and phases. How did she make this work?
   • How does she orient readers as she moves through time? Were there moments you felt unsure of where you were in her timeline?
2. Scope & Container
   • This memoir focuses only on Maya’s childhood and adolescence. Did you feel like it ended in the right place? Would you want to read more of her life in memoir form?
   • If you’ve struggled to find the right “container” for your own memoir, how might Maya’s approach inspire you?
3. Voice & Character
   • Maya is a remarkable person—poet, activist, actor, tram conductor at 15! Yet her tone in this book never feels prideful. How does she maintain humility and distance while still showing us how extraordinary her life was?
4. Symbolism & Themes
   • The title is drawn from Paul Laurence Dunbar’s poem “Sympathy.” What does the caged bird represent in Maya’s life? What else might it symbolize?
   • Did you notice any other recurring images or symbols? How did they help develop the book’s themes?
5. Writing & Memory
   • The book was published in 1969, when Maya was 41. How do you think writing about these earlier years from a distance affected the tone or style?
   • Are there moments where you wondered about the limits of memory? How does she balance recollection with reflection?
6. Social Context & Race
   • Racism and injustice are woven throughout Maya’s experiences, from small-town Stamps to big-city California. Did this book shift or deepen your understanding of what it was like to grow up Black in America in that era?
   • Were there passages that stood out to you in how they portrayed race, resilience, or community?
7. Craft Takeaways
   • What are some writing techniques Angelou uses that you’d like to try in your own memoir?
   • Do you feel intimidated or inspired reading a memoir like this, about someone whose life feels larger than your own?

Wild – Book Club Questions

Structure & Narrative Arc

Wild is structured around two timelines: Strayed’s physical journey on the Pacific Crest Trail and the backstory of her life leading up to it. Do you feel this was an effective way to reveal both stories?

• Did you learn anything about using flashbacks while reading this?
• How does Strayed choose which parts of her past to reveal and when? How can we use this technique to shape our own memoir’s structure?
• Memoir is often about transformation. What is Strayed’s transformation by the end of the book? How can we apply the concept of a clear emotional arc to our own work?

Voice & Authenticity

• Strayed’s voice is raw, vulnerable, and often brutally honest. Did you appreciate this style or did you feel like it went too far?
• Strayed doesn’t shy away from showing her flaws, mistakes, and moments of pain. How does this contribute to the power of her story?
• Have you ever felt the inclination to censor yourself or present a more polished or whitewashed version of events due to shame? 
• Do you think it’s important for memoirists to push past this instinct to write with greater honesty and depth? How might we achieve this? (alternate POV for example?)
• How do we ensure our own memoirs feel authentic without oversharing or losing narrative momentum?

Scene vs. Summary

• Strayed uses vivid scenes to immerse the reader in her journey. Which scenes stood out to you, and why?
• How does she balance detailed, sensory-rich scenes with moments of reflection and summary? Did you ever feel that it was too much either way?
• Are there places in your own memoir where you could turn summary into scene to create a more immersive experience?

Themes & Universal Appeal

• Wild is deeply personal, yet it resonated with millions. What themes in the book feel universal?
• How does Strayed make her unique experience relatable to a broad audience?
• How can we ensure our own memoirs connect with readers, even if our personal experiences are very different from theirs?

Pacing & Momentum

• The book moves between high-tension moments (physical challenges, grief, encounters on the trail) and quieter, reflective sections. How does Strayed maintain momentum?
• Are there moments in your memoir where the pacing lags? How can you create a balance between action and reflection?

The Role of Reflection in Memoir

• Strayed interweaves the physical journey with deep introspection. How does her reflection add depth to the story?
• How can we integrate reflection into our own work without slowing down the narrative?
• Are there moments in Wild where reflection is particularly powerful? How does Strayed use it to connect past and present?

What Belongs in the Story?

• Some reviews criticize Wild for its explicit depictions of sex and drug use, with some readers feeling that these elements were excessive, demeaning to women, or detracted from the story. Did you find these aspects of the book off-putting or essential to understanding Strayed’s journey?
• As memoir writers, we often worry about how we’ll be judged for the choices we reveal in our writing. Seeing how Wild became a massive success despite—or perhaps because of—Strayed’s unfiltered honesty, does this make you feel more comfortable writing your own truths?
• How do we determine which details serve the overall story and which might be unnecessary?

General questions: 

• Is the plot chronological? Or does it veer back and forth between past and present?
• Share your favorite quote(s) and why you felt it was noteworthy.
• Would you be compelled to keep reading if this were not a book club assignment?
• What did you think of the book’s length? Was it too short? Too long?
• What were the major strengths and weaknesses of the book?
• Do you find the narrator(s) and other characters likable? Believable?
• Were there any inconsistencies that bothered you?
• What gaps do you wish the author had filled in? Were there points where you thought she shared too much?
• Is the ending satisfying?
• Is there anything about this book that you want to emulate in your own writing?
• Is there anything that you want to avoid in your own writing?

Writing & Selling Your Memoir – Book Club Questions

1. Developing a Hook
   • Balzer emphasizes the importance of a “hook” that makes the story relatable. Did her guidance help you identify your hook?
   • Was there a hook from a favorite memoir that particularly resonated?
   • How can you apply her steps on developing a central theme or hook to ensure your story stands out?
2. Honesty and Vulnerability
   • Balzer talks about honesty and approaching difficult truths respectfully. What challenges have you faced when it comes to sharing vulnerable or complex parts of your life?
   • Is there a line between honesty and oversharing? How do you plan to handle this balance?
3. Structuring for Readability
   • Balzer provides methods for structuring a memoir to make it as readable as a novel. Did any of her suggestions about structure (e.g., beginning and ending points, pacing, or chapter breaks) inspire ideas for your memoir?
   • How does the suggested structure affect the story’s impact, and what memoirs have you read where structure enhanced the story?
4. The Role of Dialogue and Pacing
   • What did you think about her advice on dialogue and pacing to increase intimacy?
   • Have you noticed any memoirs that are particularly effective at this? How might you use dialogue or pacing differently in your writing as a result of Balzer’s suggestions?
5. Creating an Author Platform
   • Balzer emphasizes building a platform and preparing for the business side of publishing. Does this change the way you think about the process of writing and selling a memoir?
   • What are some ideas or steps you’re considering to build an audience for your memoir?
6. Exercises and Tips
   • Were there any specific exercises in the book that resonated with you or seemed particularly helpful?
   • If you could only choose one of her techniques to incorporate into your writing, which would it be and why?
7. Takeaways for Writing and Craft
   • What is the most valuable takeaway you gained from this book?
   • Are there any parts of the writing process that you plan to approach differently based on Balzer’s guidance?
8. To Read list
   • Balzer recommends many memoirs. Which ones made it onto your to-read list?
9. Favorite Quotes?
10. Did you disagree with any of Balzer’s advice?

What I Was Doing While You Were Breeding – Book Club Questions

• Some people are turned off by the title, others find it amusing. I’m Happy My Mom Died by Jeanette McCurdy has an even more shocking title. Discuss the importance of a title and how you felt about this one.
  • Some reviewers were disappointed that Newman did not go deep into her decision not to have children and felt the title was misleading. Do you agree?
  • Do you feel that a book title should completely encapsulate the stories contained, or is there some leeway in using a catchy title that might not entirely fit the book?
• This book was published in 2014. Though that might not seem that long ago, some of the humor in this book might now be considered non-politically correct. Share your thoughts on staying current with trends in what is deemed off-limits in writing.
• Newman is a comedy writer, and this is obvious in her writing. Do you feel that she balanced humor with vulnerability and exploration of self or that it was too unbalanced and focused too much on getting a good laugh?
• Do you think humor can allow investigation of deeper topics? Did this book do that?
• If there were darker chapters which didn’t have any humor in them, do you think they would feel out of place in this book or is it fine to blend light and dark?
• I read one book review that blasted this book because it was “not feminist” and that Newman is consistently critical and harsh of her friends who chose to get married and have children.
  • Were you expecting this book to be a feminist book? If so, were you let down?
  • What do you think about putting labels on a book which were not the intent of the writer and then condemning them for it?
  • Did you feel that Newman was overly harsh about her friends’ choices?
• Do you think Newman grows as a character?
• Some reviewers said that they quit reading when there was too much of the same in Newman’s stories. Did you feel the same? What could we do as writers to avoid this in our own writing?
  • Alison Wearing had a great post about how a collection of anecdotes does not make a story.  https://www.instagram.com/p/DAV7tSEikEi/?igsh=M291YmViMm9wazU0
    She states: “Rather than ‘listen to what happened to me,’ we are aiming for something more along the lines of ‘here’s what happened, here’s the backdrop that gave it a certain meaning at the time, and’ — the crucial piece — ‘here’s the clarity of understanding I have about the whole thing now.'” –Do you think Newman achieves this in her writing?
  • Do you have anecdotes that you want to include in your writing but they just don’t fit because that’s all they are, andecdotes without a bigger context to fit in your book?
• Some readers were turned off by Newman’s questionable morals. Some of our group felt this about Everything I Know About Love
  Book by Dolly Alderton. Was this an issue for you? Do you think we would judge Newman the same if she were a man? Are women authors held to different rules than men?
• Do you think the author was fair in her portrayal of herself and others? Do you think that is important in memoir? It is, after all, a “tell mine.”
• Were there any stories or sections that took away from the main plot or distracted you?
• Share your favorite quote(s) and why you felt it was noteworthy.
• Would you be compelled to keep reading if this were not a book club assignment?
• What did you think of the book’s length? Was it a satisfying end?
• Were there any surprises? Were they effective?
• What were the major strengths and weaknesses of the book?
• Do you find the narrator(s) and other characters likable? Believable?
• Is there anything about this book that you want to emulate in your own writing?
• Is there anything that you want to avoid in your own writing?
• Finally, what did you take away from the book? What themes or ideas resonated with you, and how has the book impacted your understanding of memoir as a genre?

You Could Make This Place Beautiful – Book Club Questions

• This book often uses literary devices and even specifically tells the reader when they are being used, such as “A Note on Plot” or “Foreshadowing.”
  • What did you think of this choice?
  • Do you think you would have appreciated it as much if you were not a writer yourself?
• Do you think if you were to try to use these literary devices that Smith uses, it would be considered copying? For example, some have mentioned that they would like to copy Frank McCourt’s way of writing dialogue without using dialogue punctuation.
  • Do you feel that once an author has used that device, that is off-limits, or does it invite authors to push the boundaries?
• Smith uses many metaphors. Did you enjoy this or find it was too much? She notes that sometimes the metaphors come to her in the moment and sometimes they occur to her later.
  • Do you like to use metaphors in your own writing?
  • What is your experience with writing them?
  • Do you have any tips on how to create effective metaphors?
• Another literary device that Smith uses often is repetition. Themes, metaphors, chapter titles, and phrases are repeated throughout the text. This can often be effective in reminding readers of earlier scenes, creating cohesion and giving them a little dopamine hit of pleasure.
  • What are your thoughts on repetition in this book?
  • Was it overdone?
  • Is this something that you would like to do in your memoir?
  • Do you think it would be a good idea to go back into a memoir on a later edit to add this sort of thing along the way to highlight themes?
• I loved this book at the beginning and end, but felt that it suffered from a “muddy middle.”
  • Do you agree?
  • If so, what made the middle of this book drag?
  • What are some things we can do as writers to avoid this?
• Throughout the book, the author reminds the reader that she is not writing a tell all or the whole story, but that she is writing a “tell mine.” Memoirists often say this sort of thing in the author’s notes or prologue. Do you think that having this mentioned throughout gives the author less culpability or blame if she gets facts wrong because it is her version?
• Smith notes that she sent a piece that was published by the New York Times to her husband as a courtesy. Initially, he okayed it, but then a few days later, he asked for it to be pulled. When she didn’t agree, she offered him a chance to make edits. She notes that she did this in an attempt to “keep the peace.”
  • Have you ever done something like this in your writing? Do you think there is any obligation to do so?
  • Have you considered or have you shared pieces with people whom you wrote about?
  • In the end, she notes that there wasn’t peace anyway and wonders why she bothered. Have you experienced this inclination and outcome?
• Do you think the author was fair in her portrayal of herself and others? Do you think that is important in memoir? It is, after all, a “tell mine.”
• Maggie Smith is clearly a poet. She includes some of her poems in the book and uses poetic descriptions and metaphors throughout.
  • Does the use of poetry in a memoir appeal to you?
  • Would you consider doing the same in your book?
• How would you feel if something you wrote went viral?
• Why do you think the author wrote this book? What is your motivation to write?
• Music is very important to the author.
  • Did you know the band and song references? If you did, did you like that?
  • If not, was it confusing or distracting?
  • Are you aware that it is illegal to use song lyrics without permission from the record company?
• We are told that if we are writing memoirs for the sake of getting revenge, we’re writing for the wrong reasons and that no one would want to read that kind of book. Do you feel like Smith is seeking revenge in this book or only understanding?
• Smith uses the metaphor of the lantern to show how she is searching for understanding. Do you find that writing memoir helps you understand your emotions or events in your life?
• Did you feel like the author wallowed in her grief too much?
• In a class titled “The Art of Revision for Clarity,” the teacher suggested that when you edit a piece, authors review each section, paragraph, or sentence and remove any that do not move the story forward or say something in a significantly different way. Do you think this is advisable? Did you feel that Smith followed this tactic?
• This entire book focused almost entirely on the author’s divorce. Do you think this covered enough/too much or too little in terms of time and topics?
• Did you listen to the audiobook and read a printed version as well? Do you think the emotion was heightened by hearing it delivered in Smith’s voice?
• The story is told in snippets and flashbacks which sometimes overlap rather than being purely chronological. What do you think of this choice? Are there areas where the overlap felt jarring?
• Were there any stories or sections that took away from the main plot or distracted you?
• Maggie Smith chooses to conceal some aspects of her story, even saying, “This Moment Isn’t for You.” What do you think of this choice? Were there gaps you wish she had filled in?
• Share your favorite quote(s) and why you felt it was noteworthy.
• Would you be compelled to keep reading if this were not a book club assignment?
• What did you think of the book’s length? Was it a satisfying end?
• Were there any surprises? Were they effective?
• What were the major strengths and weaknesses of the book?
• Do you find the narrator(s) and other characters likable? Believable?
• Is there anything about this book that you want to emulate in your own writing?
• Is there anything that you want to avoid in your own writing?
• Finally, what did you take away from the book? What themes or ideas resonated with you, and how has the book impacted your understanding of memoir as a genre?

Born a Crime – Book Club Questions

• Were you aware of who Trevor Noah was before reading this book?
• Noah’s comedy routines are wildly popular worldwide. Did his humor come through in this book?
• Did his humor ever take away from the more serious aspects of this book?
• Have you read other memoirs that were as effective at using humor as in this book?
• Did you learn anything about how you could add humor to your own writing? Conversely, did this book convince you that you might want to steer away from using humor in your own writing?
• Was this book successful in teaching you about a topic you might not have been familiar with?
• Did Noah’s writing change your own perspective or understanding of any topics?
• Did you listen to the audiobook and read a printed version as well? Do you think the humor was heightened by hearing it delivered in Noah’s voice?
• Were you surprised at the amount of humor vs serious issues addressed in this book?
• How effective was this story in balancing the personal vs the universal? Do you wish the author would have focused on either one of these more or less?
• Do you think this book has relevance for people outside of South Africa?
• The social climate of South Africa and the affects of Apartheid were a big part of this story. Do you find memoir a good way to learn about things like this? Would you like to read more memoirs like this?
• The story is told in snippets which sometimes overlap rather than being purely chronological. What do you think of this choice? Are there areas where the overlap felt jarring?
• Was the point of view and character voice consistent?
• What was the theme of the book? Did the author stay true to this theme or were there too many / not enough interest points to support the theme?
• Were there any stories or sections that took away from the main plot or distracted you?
• Is the story plot-driven, moving briskly from event to event? Or is it character-driven, moving more slowly, delving into characters’ inner-lives?
• What is the story’s central conflict—character vs. character…vs. society…or vs. nature (external)? Or an emotional struggle within the character (internal)? How does the conflict create tension?
• Do any characters change or grow by the end of the story? Do they come to view the world and their relationship to it differently?
• Share your favorite quote(s) and why you felt it was noteworthy.
• Would you be compelled to keep reading if this were not a book club assignment?
• What did you think of the book’s length?
• Were there any surprises? Were they effective?
• What were the major strengths and weaknesses of the book?
• Do you find the narrator(s) and other characters likable? Believable?
  Of all the people described in the book, who did you most relate to or empathize with, and why?
• Were there any inconsistencies that bothered you?
• What gaps do you wish the author had filled in? Were there points where you thought he shared too much?
• Is the ending a surprise or predictable? Does the end unfold naturally? Or is it forced, heavy-handed, or manipulative? Is the ending satisfying, or would you prefer a different ending?
• Is there anything about this book that you want to emulate in your own writing?
• Is there anything that you want to avoid in your own writing?
• Finally, what did you take away from the book? What themes or ideas resonated with you, and how has the book impacted your understanding of memoir as a genre?

Becoming Myself – A Psychiatrist’s Memoir – Book Club Questions

• A common definition of the difference between memoir and autobiography is that an autobiography is written by a famous person and covers their entire life while a memoir focuses on one time period or one theme. Do you think this is more memoir or autobiography? If you think it is a memoir, what is the one theme that this book focused on?
• Had you heard of Irvin Yalom before you read this book?
• Do you think someone has to be famous to write a captivating autobiography?
• Throughout the book, Yalom mentions many famous or important people and his connection to them. Do you enjoy reading about these connections or do you find it has a feeling of braggadocio to it?
• Much of the book focuses on Yalom’s work, accomplishments, and awards. Do you find this interesting or does it become tedious? How can we as writers, write about our accomplishments without sounding egotistical?
• Some of our readers have a background in psychology and philosophy. It would seem those readers enjoyed this book more than those who did not. Do you think those readers were Yalom’s target audience? Do you know who your target audience is for your book?
• Yalom refers to his recreational drug use with no shame and some might even say that he is recommending it. He also looks down upon the medical profession’s reliance on medication. Does this seem like a contradiction to you? Do you think this choice might turn some readers off from the book?
• In at least one chapter, Yalom writes as if he is his own patient, analyzing his own life. What do you think of this device? Did it work for you?
• How self-aware do you think Yalom truly is? How important is this when writing a memoir? Have you discovered more about yourself through the process of writing your memoir?
• Yalom is very well-educated and often his writing is written in a formal style that some might find stilted. Did you find it engaging?
• Much of Yalom’s text is summarized, with very little in the way of dialogue or scenes. What effect does this have on the reading experience? Do you think he practices more “tell” than “show”?
• The author is quite different from your average reader. Were you still able to connect and relate to him? 
• On page 231, Yalom is talking about reading something he’d written decades earlier and lamenting over how much he’s aged and how his younger self was a better writer. Have you ever felt this? What advice do you have for other writers who have experienced this?
• Yalom has written many books. Have you or would you read more of them?
• What did you think about Yalom’s choice to write about the process of writing books? Sometimes we hear advice that we should avoid “breaking the fourth wall” and writing about the writing process. Did you enjoy this? Do you think you would feel differently if you were not a writer yourself?
• Yalom seems to need to get away in order to write. Have any of you tried extended retreats or travels to boost your writing process? Did this work for you? Did you struggle to balance sightseeing with writing?
• Was the point of view and character voice consistent?
• What was the theme of the book? Did the author stay true to this theme or were there too many / not enough interest points to support the theme?
• Were there any stories or sections that took away from the main plot or distracted you?
• Is the story plot-driven, moving briskly from event to event? Or is it character-driven, moving more slowly, delving into characters’ inner-lives?
• What is the story’s central conflict—character vs. character…vs. society…or vs. nature (external)? Or an emotional struggle within the character (internal)? How does the conflict create tension?
• Is the plot chronological? Or does it veer back and forth between past and present?
• Do any characters change or grow by the end of the story? Do they come to view the world and their relationship to it differently?
• Share your favorite quote(s) and why you felt it was noteworthy.
• Would you be compelled to keep reading if this were not a book club assignment?
• What did you think of the book’s length?
• Were there any surprises? Were they effective?
• What were the major strengths and weaknesses of the book?
• Do you find the narrator(s) and other characters likable? Believable?
  Of all the people described in the book, who did you most relate to or empathize with, and why?
• Were there any inconsistencies that bothered you?
• What gaps do you wish the author had filled in? Were there points where you thought he shared too much?
• Is the ending a surprise or predictable? Does the end unfold naturally? Or is it forced, heavy-handed, or manipulative? Is the ending satisfying, or would you prefer a different ending?
• Is there anything about this book that you want to emulate in your own writing?
• Is there anything that you want to avoid in your own writing?
• Finally, what did you take away from the book? What themes or ideas resonated with you, and how has the book impacted your understanding of memoir as a genre?

Everything I Know About Love – Book Club Questions

• Some readers have complained that the topics covered in this book, especially at the beginning (sex, getting drunk, getting dumped, etc.), are too banal. Others said that they loved it because they could relate or just thought it was funny regardless. 
  • What are your thoughts? Did you relate? If not, could you still enjoy the story?
  • Do you ever worry readers will think your own writing (and you as a person) will be viewed negatively by those who don’t relate?
• Throughout the book, Alderton breaks up the narrative with humorous, fictitious emails and recipes. 
  • What did you think of this choice? Was it effective in revealing more about the author’s character or were they distracting?
  • Would you consider doing something like this in your own memoir? 
• Did you feel this was a humorous book or sad or both? 
  • Was the humor successful?
  • Did it ever take away from the story?
  • Sometimes adding humor to a dark tale doesn’t work. Can you identify writing techniques make humor a success or a failure?
• This is another book primarily told in present tense. Are you a fan?
  • Have you tried writing only in present tense?
  • Are there things that work better or do not work when you use present tense?
• Was the point of view and character voice consistent?
• What was the theme of the book? Did the author stay true to this theme or were there too many / not enough interest points to support the theme?
• Were there any stories or sections that took away from the main plot or distracted you?
• Is the story plot-driven, moving briskly from event to event? Or is it character-driven, moving more slowly, delving into characters’ inner-lives?
• What is the story’s central conflict—character vs. character…vs. society…or vs. nature (external)? Or an emotional struggle within the character (internal)? How does the conflict create tension?
• Is the plot chronological? Or does it veer back and forth between past and present?
• Do any characters change or grow by the end of the story? Do they come to view the world and their relationship to it differently?
• Share your favorite quote(s) and why you felt it was noteworthy.
• Would you be compelled to keep reading if this were not a book club assignment?
• What did you think of the book’s length?
• Were there any surprises? Were they effective?
• What were the major strengths and weaknesses of the book?
• Do you find the narrator(s) and other characters likable? Believable?
  Of all the people described in the book, who did you most relate to or empathize with, and why?
• Were there any inconsistencies that bothered you?
• What gaps do you wish the author had filled in? Were there points where you thought she shared too much?
• Is the ending a surprise or predictable? Does the end unfold naturally? Or is it forced, heavy-handed, or manipulative? Is the ending satisfying, or would you prefer a different ending?
• Is there anything about this book that you want to emulate in your own writing?
• Is there anything that you want to avoid in your own writing?
• Finally, what did you take away from the book? What themes or ideas resonated with you, and how has the book impacted your understanding of memoir as a genre?

I’m Glad My Mom Died – Book Club Questions

• Regarding the title, McCurdy said, “I wanted something that was bold and also something that I meant sincerely. I would never use a bold and attention-grabbing title if it weren’t authentic. I would never do it if it were just coming from a flippant place. That’s not my approach to humor. I knew that anybody who had experienced parental abuse would understand the title, and anybody who had a sense of humor would understand the title.”
• What do you think of the title? 
• Do you think a controversial title is a good or a bad idea? 
• Would you consider a title as daring for your own book?
• Do you think it would have been possible for McCurdy to publish this book while her mother was still living?
• What do you think the rest of her family might feel about this book?
• What did you think about the format of the story? Have you read other pieces that used a similar structure? Did you find time jumps easy to follow or confusing/unsatisfying?
• As in Angela’s Ashes, this book is written in the present tense. In Angela’s Ashes,  he also used a child’s point of view and these combined seemed to allow him to depict horrific events in a softer way somehow. 
• What did you think about McCurdy’s choice of present tense? 
• Did it allow her to achieve a similar effect?
• Were McCurdy’s childhood stories told with a believable child voice?
• Did this literary technique take away from the story in places?
• Did you feel this was a humorous book or sad or both? 
• Was the humor successful?
• Did it ever take away from the story?
• Sometimes adding humor to a dark tale doesn’t work. Can you identify writing techniques make humor a success or a failure?
• Did you listen to the audio book? If so, what did you think of McCurdy’s delivery? 
• Was the point of view and character voice consistent?
• Many memoirs focus on negative events and dysfunctional families. 
• Do you think it is possible to have a good memoir about an average, happy life?
• Do you have any examples of a happy memoir?
• What was the theme of the book? Did the author stay true to this theme or were there too many / not enough interest points to support the theme?
• Were there any stories or sections that took away from the main plot or distracted you?
• Is the story plot-driven, moving briskly from event to event? Or is it character-driven, moving more slowly, delving into characters’ inner-lives?
• What is the story’s central conflict—character vs. character…vs. society…or vs. nature (external)? Or an emotional struggle within the character (internal)? How does the conflict create tension?
• Is the plot chronological? Or does it veer back and forth between past and present?
• Do any characters change or grow by the end of the story? Do they come to view the world and their relationship to it differently?
• Share your favorite quote(s) and why you felt it was noteworthy.
• Would you be compelled to keep reading if this were not a book club assignment?
• What did you think of the book’s length?
• Were there any surprises? Were they effective?
• What were the major strengths and weaknesses of the book?
• Do you find the narrator(s) and other characters likable? Believable?
  Of all the people described in the book, who did you most relate to or empathize with, and why?
• Were there any inconsistencies that bothered you?
• What gaps do you wish the author had filled in? Were there points where you thought she shared too much?
• Is the ending a surprise or predictable? Does the end unfold naturally? Or is it forced, heavy-handed, or manipulative? Is the ending satisfying, or would you prefer a different ending?
• Is there anything about this book that you want to emulate in your own writing?
• Is there anything that you want to avoid in your own writing?
• Finally, what did you take away from the book? What themes or ideas resonated with you, and how has the book impacted your understanding of memoir as a genre?

Angela’s Ashes – Book Club Questions

• Angela’s Ashes won the Pulitzer Prize. Why do you think this memoir stood out from others?
• How many memoirs have you read that were written by men?
• Do you find it harder to relate to a narrator if they are not of the same gender as you?
• There is a lot of dialogue in Angela’s Ashes, but there are no quotation marks and few commas. Did you ever find this hard to follow? What do you think of this choice? Do you think someone else could pull this off now or would they be shunned for copying his style?
• Many of the happenings and dialogue happened while McCourt was a very young boy and some (such as his parents meeting) obviously happened before he was born. 
• What do you think about his choice to include these events as if he were there? 
• Do you feel that he should have added any disclaimers? 
• Does this take away from his credibility?
• McCourt chose to use the voice of a young child in this memoir. 
• Do you feel that it was believable? 
• What methods did he use to achieve this voice? 
• What effect did this choice have on the mood of the story?
• How honest do you think he was being?
• Was the point of view and character voice consistent?
• Some have described McCourt’s memoir as a tragedy, others say that it was humorous. 
• What were your feelings on this? 
• Do you think both feelings can coexist successfully or do you feel that if a book is billed as being serious or humorous that it should stay true to this? 
• Have you read books that failed or succeeded spectacularly in this regard?
• What methods did McCourt employ to keep his story from being too depressing or too flippant?
• Many memoirs focus on negative events and dysfunctional families. 
• Do you think it is possible to have a good memoir about an average, happy life?
• Do you have any examples of a happy memoir?
• Irish song lyrics were often included. Do you feel that they added to the story or distracted? Have you ever wanted to include song lyrics?
• What do you think of the title of the book? Did anyone else think that it meant that his mother was going to die?
• Did anyone else think it was weird that no one seemed to think that Frank’s father was going to drink away his wages in England like he had in Limerick? After that fateful Christmas after Frankie’s father visit, he leaves immediately and is barely mentioned again. Was anyone else bothered by this?
• Some people felt that Frank McCourt’s story was tragic and depressing while others thought it was funny. Which way did you feel about it? There’s no debating that many terrible things happened to him, what devices did Frank McCourt use to add humor?
• To me, a big part of the appeal to this book is seeing how terribly different a person’s life could be for someone who was living not so long ago. He was born around the time my grandparents were. I have often heard America romanticized in broad strokes as being the land of opportunity but this book interestingly romanticizes going to America but also shows that the opportunities were no better there than in Ireland. Thoughts?
• What was the theme of the book? Did the author stay true to this theme or were there too many / not enough interest points to support the theme?
• Were there any stories or sections that took away from the main plot or distracted you?
• Is the story plot-driven, moving briskly from event to event? Or is it character-driven, moving more slowly, delving into characters’ inner-lives?
• What is the story’s central conflict—character vs. character…vs. society…or vs. nature (external)? Or an emotional struggle within the character (internal)? How does the conflict create tension?
• Is the plot chronological? Or does it veer back and forth between past and present?
• Do any characters change or grow by the end of the story? Do they come to view the world and their relationship to it differently?
• Share your favorite quote(s) and why you felt it was noteworthy.
• Would you be compelled to keep reading if this were not a book club assignment?
• What did you think of the book’s length?
• Were there any surprises? Were they effective?
• What were the major strengths and weaknesses of the book?
• Do you find the narrator(s) and other characters likable? Believable?
  Of all the people described in the book, who did you most relate to or empathize with, and why?
• Were there any inconsistencies that bothered you?
• What gaps do you wish the author had filled in? Were there points where you thought she shared too much?
• Is the ending a surprise or predictable? Does the end unfold naturally? Or is it forced, heavy-handed, or manipulative? Is the ending satisfying, or would you prefer a different ending?
• Is there anything about this book that you want to emulate in your own writing?
• Is there anything that you want to avoid in your own writing?
• Finally, what did you take away from the book? What themes or ideas resonated with you, and how has the book impacted your understanding of memoir as a genre?

The Liars’ Club – Book Club Questions

• One of the biggest challenges and worries we have as memoirists is how our family will react to our stories. Mary Karr writes with sometimes brutal honesty about her dysfunctional family.
  • Did she use any methods to soften the impact on her family?
  • Did her writing give you ideas on how to represent your own family?
• In the introduction, Karr says, “I chose to write The Liars’ Club as memoir instead of fiction: when fortune hands you such characters, why bother to make stuff up?”
  She also said, “I chose to write The Liars’ Club as memoir instead of fiction: when fortune hands you such characters, why bother to make stuff up?”
  She also said in a later interview: “When I tried to write about my life in a novel, I discovered that I behaved better in fiction than I did in real life. The truth is that I found it easier to lie in a novel, and what I wanted most of all was to tell the truth.”
  • What are your thoughts on these statements?
  • What do you think about fictionalizing your life story or the genre of autofiction (autobiography + fiction)?
  • Have you read autofiction? 
• Karr says in the introduction that when the first book first came out, she was getting 400-500 letters a week from people who said they identified with her story. She also said that the story helped heal some of the family trauma of her past even though that was not the aim of the book.
  • Do you think your story might also do the same for your family and others?
  • Are there other books which did this for you?
• What was the theme of the book? Did the author stay true to this theme or were there too many / not enough interest points to support the theme?
• Throughout the story, Karr uses incredibly detailed descriptions about seemingly meaningless things that are happening during very traumatic moments such as this when she is waiting to see who she’ll be sent home with after her mother has burned all their belongings in the backyard:“The concrete was cold on my bottom through the thin nightgown. I plucked two june bugs off the screen and tried to line them up to race down a brick, but one flew off, and the other just flipped over and waggled its legs in the air.”
  • Did you notice this?
  • What do you think this does for the story?

• In Mary Karr’s book: The Art of Memoir, one of the main things she points out is how important it is to her to be honest and not to make up anything that you don’t completely remember. What are your thoughts on this?
• Throughout the book, Karr uses statements about being blank on certain events and reconstructing what must have happened with carefully phrased sentences to let you know where her own memory drops off.
  • Did you notice this?
  • Did you find it an effective tool to use in your own writing?
    “Because it took so long for me to paste together what happened, I will leave that part of the story missing for a while. It went long unformed for me, and I want to keep it that way here. I don’t mean to be coy. When the truth would be unbearable the mind often just blanks it out. But some ghost of an event may stay in your head. Then, like the smudge of a bad word quickly wiped off a school blackboard, this ghost can call undue attention to itself by its very vagueness. You keep studying the dim shape of it, as if the original form will magically emerge. This blank spot in my past, then, spoke most loudly to me by being blank. It was a hole in my life that I both feared and kept coming back to because I couldn’t quite fill it in.”Karr, Mary. The Liars’ Club (Penguin Classics Deluxe Edition) (p. 27).
• The first and second section covered only a handful of years of her childhood while the third section jumped ahead to her as a young adult. Was this jarring? Effective?
• Were there any stories or sections that took away from the main plot or distracted you?
• Is the story plot-driven, moving briskly from event to event? Or is it character-driven, moving more slowly, delving into characters’ inner-lives?
• What is the story’s central conflict—character vs. character…vs. society…or vs. nature (external)? Or an emotional struggle within the character (internal)? How does the conflict create tension?
• Is the plot chronological? Or does it veer back and forth between past and present?
• Do any characters change or grow by the end of the story? Do they come to view the world and their relationship to it differently?
• Share your favorite quote(s) and why you felt it was noteworthy.
• Would you be compelled to keep reading if this were not a book club assignment?
• What did you think of the book’s length?
• Were there any surprises? Were they effective?
• Was the point of view and character voice consistent?
• What were the major strengths and weaknesses of the book?
• Do you find the narrator(s) and other characters likable? Believable?
  Of all the people described in the book, who did you most relate to or empathize with, and why?
• Were there any inconsistencies that bothered you?
• How honest do you think the author was being?
• What gaps do you wish the author had filled in? Were there points where you thought she shared too much?
• Is the ending a surprise or predictable? Does the end unfold naturally? Or is it forced, heavy-handed, or manipulative? Is the ending satisfying, or would you prefer a different ending?
• Is there anything about this book that you want to emulate in your own writing?
• Is there anything that you want to avoid in your own writing?
• Finally, what did you take away from the book? What themes or ideas resonated with you, and how has the book impacted your understanding of memoir as a genre?

To Speak for the Trees – Book Club Questions

• What was the theme of the book? Did the author stay true to this theme or were there too many / not enough interest points to support the theme?
• Were there any stories or sections that took away from the main plot or distracted you?
• Is the story plot-driven, moving briskly from event to event? Or is it character-driven, moving more slowly, delving into characters’ inner-lives?
• What is the story’s central conflict—character vs. character…vs. society…or vs. nature (external)? Or an emotional struggle within the character (internal)? How does the conflict create tension?
• Is the plot chronological? Or does it veer back and forth between past and present?
• Do any characters change or grow by the end of the story? Do they come to view the world and their relationship to it differently?
  • How did Uncle Pat change in the story?
• Share your favorite quote(s) and why you felt it was noteworthy.
  • My mourning for my father was constant, the loss so strong that at times I felt winded by its power over me. Some vital part of me was missing and would never come back, because death had closed a door. I just wanted to be small, only a dot, a tiny one. Maybe if I held my breath I could disappear altogether.
• Would you be compelled to keep reading if this were not a book club assignment?
• What did you think of the book’s length?
• Did you read the ebook version or a paper version? Did you realize the book was over when the descriptions of the trees began? 
• Were there any surprises? Were they effective?
• Was the point of view and character voice consistent?
• What were the major strengths and weaknesses of the book?
• Do you find the narrator(s) and other characters likable? Believable?
  Of all the people described in the book, who did you most relate to or empathize with, and why?
• Were there any inconsistencies that bothered you?
• How honest do you think the author was being?
• What gaps do you wish the author had filled in? Were there points where you thought she shared too much?
• Is the ending a surprise or predictable? Does the end unfold naturally? Or is it forced, heavy-handed, or manipulative? Is the ending satisfying, or would you prefer a different ending?
• Is there anything about this book that you want to emulate in your own writing?
• Is there anything that you want to avoid in your own writing?

On Writing – Book Club Questions

• Was this your first time reading a book by Stephen King, or were you a fan before? Either way, what did you think of his book On Writing?
• On Writing is both memoir and instruction, even more so than Ann Lamotte’s Bird by Bird. How do you feel about blending memoir with craft? Would this work if it weren’t told by a famous person?
  
• Did you find King’s writing experiences relatable or foreign?
  
• Did you find it inspiring or disheartening to read about King’s rejection nail?
  
• King writes about his addictions.
  Do you feel this is an important part of the story?
• He states that he doesn’t even remember writing some books while he was abusing substances. Does this knowledge influence your opinion of the books or make you less likely to write them?
  • Does his openness about his addiction make you respect him less or more?
• How common do you think that addiction is in creative crafts like writing? Art?
  
• Hemingway was famously quoted as saying, “Write drunk. Edit sober.” It turns out he never said this, and it may have been more Faulkner’s advice. What do you think? Does a little booze unleash your creativity like Faulkner, or do you prefer sobriety in the writing process like Hemingway?
  • What do you think about creating under the influence? 
• King writes: “While it is impossible to make a competent writer out of a bad writer, and while it is equally impossible to make a great writer out of a good one, it is possible, with lots of hard work, dedication, and timely help, to make a good writer out of a merely competent one?”
  • How do you interpret this quote?
  • Is writing a gift that you either have or you don’t?
  • To what extent can writing be taught?
  • What writerly skills do you come by naturally, and which have you had to work to acquire or improve?
• Stephen King talks about the muse: “There is a muse, but he’s not going to come fluttering down into your writing room and scatter creative fairy-dust all over your typewriter or computer station. He lives in the ground. He’s a basement guy. You have to descend to his level, and once you get down there you have to furnish an apartment for him to live in. You have to do all the grunt labor, in other words, while the muse sits and smokes cigars and admires his bowling trophies and pretends to ignore you.”
  • What do you think he means by this?
  • What do you think about this depiction of the muse?
  • Some people believe there’s no point in writing unless you are truly inspired and won’t write until they feel the muse visits. What are your thoughts on that?
    
• Stephen King says, “If you want to be a writer, you must do two things above all others: read a lot and write a lot.” He says doesn’t read in order to “study the craft” but believes that there is “a learning process going on” when he reads.
  • Do you read books differently as a writer?
  • Are you conscious of “the craft” as you read?
  • How much do you read?
  • How do you view it, as learning or entertainment or both?
  • Do you consider it productive or leisure time?
    
• King notes that “bad books have more to teach than the good ones.”
  • Do you agree?
  • Do you think we should seek out bad writing in order to learn?
    
• He notes that bad books can give you confidence, you may put it down and think, “I can do better than this.”
  • Have you had that experience?
  • Do you feel the opposite when you read a beautiful piece of writing?
    
• Stephen King wanted to write from a very young age. I’ve heard many writers say the same thing.
  • Did you always want to write?
  • If not, do you feel like an imposter because it came to you later?
  • Did your childhood experiences influence your decision to write?
  • Once you started writing, did you find writing to be a different experience than you imagined it would be?
• King’s mother was a big supporter of his craft from an early age. She told him who told him one of his boyhood stories was “good enough to be in a book.”
  • Do you think a strong, encouraging support system is necessary to hone the craft of writing and find success?
    
  • Was there someone in your life who encouraged your earliest efforts? 
• King talks about a writer’s toolbox which includes grammar, vocabulary, elements of style and form, character development, descriptions, dialogue, and tools for revision.
  • What “tools” do you find most indispensable when you write?
  • Are there any you would add to King’s toolbox?
    
• What do you think about the importance of workspace?
  
• What do you think about King’s view of plot and themes as being secondary and story being first?
• Why does he consider it harmful to plot out a novel before the writer begins to write? Do you agree?
  
• King believes that stories are “found things, like fossils in the ground.” Discuss King’s extended metaphor of “writing as excavation.” Elizabeth Gilbert also agrees and even wrote about how she abandoned an idea only to find that a writer friend also had the same idea. Do you agree with this theory?
  
• According to King, good story ideas “seem to come quite literally from nowhere, sailing at you right out of the empty sky,” and often don’t ignite until they collide with another idea that also comes unbidden.
  • Do you find that ideas for stories or writing projects come to you out of the blue, or do you have to search for them?
  • What serves as the basis for most of your stories? A situation? A character? A moral dilemma?
• King recalls a dream that led him to the writing of his book Misery.
  • Have you ever gotten a story idea from a dream?
  • Discuss how you discovered your best ideas and how they evolved into finished stories.
• King’s wife Tabitha is his “Ideal Reader,” the one-person audience he has in mind when writing a first draft. I’ve heard this advice before, to picture that you’re writing for just one reader.
  • When you write, do you envision a particular Ideal Reader?
  • Do you know who your audience is?
• Stephen King considers grammar important to be important to writing and writes about it more than most books on craft.
  • Do you think this is helpful?
  • Do you agree good grammar is important?
    
• Stephen King talks a lot about The Elements of Style by Strunk & White.
  Do you have a copy? Would you recommend it?
• What are your favorite quotes from the book?
• King describes the dangers of seeking reader response or “opening the door” too early or too frequently.
  • At what stage in a writing project do you solicit critical feedback from others?
  • When you do “open the door,” who are the first readers you ask for advice?
  • Why do you trust those readers and what are you looking to hear from them?
• King’s self-imposed “production schedule” is 2,000 words a day and he suggests that all writers set a daily writing goal.
  • What kind of discipline, if any, do you impose upon your own writing efforts?
  • Do you always write at the same time of day? If so, when and why?
  • Do you try to maintain a steady pace?
  • Does adherence to a strict routine help your writing efforts?
    
• What piece of guidance did you find most helpful?
  
• Do you plan to implement any of the book’s advice?
  
• Do you have other books or general advice on writing to recommend? 

Bird by Bird – Book Club 

• Early in the book, Lamott says: 
  “I still encourage anyone who feels at all compelled to write to do so. I just try to warn people who hope to get published that publication is not all that it is cracked up to be. But writing is. Writing has so much to give, so much to teach, so many surprises. That thing you had to force yourself to do — the actual act of writing — turns out to be the best part. It’s like discovering that while you thought you needed the tea ceremony for the caffeine, what you really needed was the tea ceremony. The act of writing turns out to be its own reward”
  Later in the book, she often makes writing sound like it is a tremendous burden as well.
  • How do you view writing?
  • Do you find it a reward or a struggle or both?
    
• Anne Lamott made the “shitty first draft” a popular concept. She said:
  “Almost all good writing begins with terrible first efforts. You need to start somewhere. Start by getting something — anything — down on paper. A friend of mine says that the first draft is the downdraft — you just get it down. The second draft is the updraft — you fix it up. You try to say what you have to say more accurately. And the third draft is the dental draft, where you check every tooth, to see if it’s loose or cramped or decayed, or even, God help us, healthy.”
  
  • How do you feel about shitty first drafts?
  • Is this a method that works for you?
    
• She also speaks about perfectionism and how it holds us back in our creativity and in our life. Do you struggle with perfectionism? She said:
  “learn to be more compassionate company, as if you were somebody you are fond of and wish to encourage. I doubt that you would read a close friend’s early efforts and, in his or her presence, roll your eyes and snicker. I doubt that you would pantomime sticking your finger down your throat. I think you might say something along the lines of, “Good for you. We can work out some of the problems later, but for now, full steam ahead!”
  
  “Try looking at your mind as a wayward puppy that you are trying to paper train. You don’t drop-kick a puppy into the neighbor’s yard every time it piddles on the floor. You just keep bringing it back to the newspaper. So I keep trying gently to bring my mind back to what is really there to be seen, maybe to be seen and noted with a kind of reverence. Because if I don’t learn to do this, I think I’ll keep getting things wrong. I honestly think in order to be a writer, you have to learn to be reverent. If not, why are you writing? Why are you here?”
  
  • Did Anne Lamott say anything else about perfectionism that resonates with you as a helpful tool to fight perfectionism or is there something you’ve picked up elsewhere that you’ve found helpful?
• Lamott talks about her one inch frame to help keep her focused. She also says:
  “E. L. Doctorow once said that “writing a novel is like driving a car at night. You can see only as far as your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way.” You don’t have to see where you’re going, you don’t have to see your destination or everything you will pass along the way. You just have to see two or three feet ahead of you. This is right up there with the best advice about writing, or life, I have ever heard.”
  What do you think about this advice?
• In the beginning of her book, Lamott says this about libel:
  “Just put down on paper everything you can remember now about your parents and siblings and relatives and neighbors, and we will deal with libel later on.”
  Later, she suggests changing key aspects of a person’s appearance and personality and to portray them as having a small penis as insurance that they will not come after you. What are your thoughts on this?
• Lamott writes: “Writers tend to be so paranoid about talking about their work because no one, including us, really understands how it works. But it can help a great deal if you have someone you can call when you need a pep talk, someone you have learned to trust, someone who is honest and generous and who won’t jinx you. When you’re feeling low, you don’t want anyone even to joke that you may be in some kind of astrological strike zone where you’ll be for the next seven years. On a bad day you also don’t need a lot of advice. You just need a little empathy and affirmation. You need to feel once again that other people have confidence in you. The members of your writing group can often offer just that.”
  
  • What does community mean to you?
  • What do you find most or least helpful in a writing community?
• In Lamott’s chapter on dialogue, she says: “nothing can break the mood of a piece of writing like bad dialogue.” and dialogue “should be more interesting and concise and even more true than what was actually said.” Much of what Anne Lamott writes about is about fiction and some might think that this might not apply to memoir, but I think this applies. She stresses the importance of reading your dialogue out loud. And “You listen to how people really talk, and then learn little by little to take someone’s five-minute speech and make it one sentence, without losing anything.”
• One of my favorite quotes from the book:
  “Think of those times when you’ve read prose or poetry that is presented in such a way that you have a fleeting sense of being startled by beauty or insight, by a glimpse into someone’s soul. All of a sudden everything seems to fit together or at least to have some meaning for a moment. This is our goal as writers, I think; to help others have this sense of—please forgive me—wonder, of seeing things anew, things that can catch us off guard, that break in on our small, bordered worlds.”
  Were there any other quotes that you would like to share?
• A tip on finishing: “If you find that you start a number of stories or pieces that you don’t ever bother finishing, that you lose interest or faith in them along the way, it may be that there is nothing at their center about which you care passionately. You need to put yourself at their center, you and what you believe to be true or right. The core, ethical concepts in which you most passionately believe are the language in which you are writing.”
• “The problem is acceptance, which is something we are taught not to do. We are taught to improve uncomfortable situations, to change things, alleviate unpleasant feelings. But if you accept the reality that you have been given — that you were not in a productive creative period — you free yourself to begin filling up again.” 
  Writing and creating can fill us up, but can also be a source of anxiety when we feel that we aren’t making as much progress as we should be or want to be.
  • How do you fill up in order to create?
  • And how do you free yourself to do that when you’re stuck?
    
• Lamott recommends carrying an index card with you everywhere so you can write down your ideas and use them later. Do you do this?
  
• Lamott recommends setting a simple goal like 300 words a day to get over writer’s block. Have you tried this? How do you feel about setting word count goals? 
• Ann Lamott seems to be a very jealous person. What are your thoughts on her jealousy?
• Anne Lamotte often uses humor to convey her message. Do you find this is an effective vehicle? Is it always appropriate?
• What was the most helpful piece of advice she shared?
• Was there any advice you didn’t agree with?
• Another tip on writer’s block and breaking through the inner critic’s voice is to write as if you are writing letters to someone you care about.
• Her thoughts on getting published:
  “The discouraging voices will hound you—“This is all piffle,” they will say, and they may be right. What you are doing may just be practice. But this is how you are going to get better, and there is no point in practicing if you don’t finish.”

Confessions of a Fairy’s Daughter – Book Club Questions

Watch the Q&A with the author Alison Wearing here!

• Memoirs are typically written about the author themselves. What did you think about a memoir written about someone other than the author?
• How much did you feel that the author revealed about herself through the description of her father?
  • Do you feel it is acceptable and satisfying to write a memoir without revealing very much about yourself? 
• What did you think of the book being told in four parts?
• Did you feel any of the parts were more or less effective?
• Wearing uses many beautiful metaphors in her writing. In our Author Q&A she said that she exclusively reads poetry while she is writing and this helps her generate metaphors.
  • Did you enjoy the metaphors?
  • Do you include many metaphors in your writing?
  • Do you have any tips on how you come up with fresh metaphors?
• What did you think of the author using her father’s writing?
• Did you find it confusing that the mother’s section wasn’t written by her mother?
• What did you think about the author’s use of articles for research?
• How many stars would you give this?
• At the end, the timeline jumps around a bit. Did you find that confusing?
  • How important is setting the reader in a time and place is it?
  • How important is it to reveal age to the reader?
• The author mentions her heartache when she goes to live with her mother but never talks about the partner before this. Did this feel out of place?
• There’s a lot of focus on food and some beautiful descriptions of scenery as well as lots of metaphors. How did you feel about this in relation to the scope of the book
• What did you think about the Prelude and Acknowledgements sections?
• What did you think of her word choices such as “fairy” or “pansy”?
  • Do you struggle with what terms to use in your own writing or maybe simply avoid the difficult ones?
• There’s quite a lot about her childhood before she knew that her father was gay. Much of it doesn’t seem particularly relevant to the overarching story such as details about her brother’s anal fixations and her story about longing for straight hair. What do you think of this choice?
• Is the story plot-driven, moving briskly from event to event? Or is it character-driven, moving more slowly, delving into characters’ inner-lives?
• What is the story’s central conflict—character vs. character…vs. society…or vs. nature (external)? Or an emotional struggle within the character (internal)? How does the conflict create tension?
• Is the plot chronological? Or does it veer back and forth between past and present?
• Do any characters change or grow by the end of the story? Do they come to view the world and their relationship to it differently?
• Share your favorite quote(s) and why you felt it was noteworthy. A couple of my favorites: 

“My dad’s tears hadn’t been only for Matthew Cuthbert, I realized, my mouth sour with regret, but for his own father, who had died when he was just a boy. Dad lifted the pastry from the counter, laid it into his French ceramic scalloped-edge tart dish and cut away the dough that hung over the edge. I sat watching him, feeling terribly, sickeningly sorry, but I couldn’t bring myself to say a word. I could only watch how focused he was as he primped the tart’s edge. In that moment, with his apron covered in flour, his shirt sleeves rolled up, his hands mottled with dough, he was suddenly not just my father, but a person. Someone fragile and full of feelings, someone I had never entirely known, whose life extended far beyond my own.”

Wearing, Alison. Confessions of a Fairy’s Daughter (pp. 64-65). Knopf Canada. Kindle Edition. 

“I was also nervous, I imagine, although that emotion is something I have stapled to the memory rather than something that calls itself up on its own. All that I truly remember is sitting in the kitchen perched on a stool with two fold-down steps that I gripped with my toes and kept lifting and dropping to the floor. Creak creak creak—crash. My mother was unloading the dishwasher, her eyes pulled tight with annoyance at both the continual slamming of the steps and my persistent questions: “Will Dad be at the airport tomorrow to see me off?” Creak creak creak—crash. “Why doesn’t he come home very much anymore?” Creak creak creak—crash.”

Wearing, Alison. Confessions of a Fairy’s Daughter (p. 72). Knopf Canada. Kindle Edition. 

• Would you be compelled to keep reading if this were not a book club assignment?
• What did you think of the book’s length?
• Were there any surprises? Were they effective?
• Was the point of view and character voice consistent?
• What were the major strengths and weaknesses of the book?
• Do you find the narrator(s) and other characters likable? Believable?
• Of all the people described in the book, who did you most relate to or empathize with, and why?
• Were there any inconsistencies that bothered you?
• How honest do you think the author was being?
• What gaps do you wish the author had filled in? Were there points where you thought she shared too much?
• Is the ending a surprise or predictable? Does the end unfold naturally? Or is it forced, heavy handed, or manipulative? Is the ending satisfying, or would you prefer a different ending?
• Is there anything about this book that you want to emulate in your own writing?
• Is there anything that you want to avoid in your own writing?

High Cotton – Book Club Questions

Watch the Author Q&A here

• What’s the netflix summary of this book?
• This is the first book of essays that we have reviewed. What are your thoughts on the format?
• Did anything about this book change your thoughts about essays or essay collections? Are you interested in reading more of these or writing one yourself?
• Did the author use different styles of essays throughout the book (braided, standard, hermit crab, etc)?
• What was your favorite essay and why?
• What tools does the author use to keep you reading without a standard plot to pull you through?
• Do we get to know the author as well as we might if this were a traditional memoir rather than a collection of essays? What about other characters?
• The author writes about her mother’s struggles with drug addiction. What are your thoughts on how much she shared about this? Do you feel that she would have been so candid if her mother were still living?
• What do you feel about the author’s candidness and honesty about herself?
• Do you feel that there should have been trigger warnings for any of the essays?
  • Are you considering adding them to your own writing?
  • Do you have any examples of trigger warnings that were effective/well-stated?
• Does the order of the essays feel important? Would you have ordered them differently?
• Do any characters change or grow by the end of the story? Do they come to view the world and their relationship to it differently?
• Share your favorite quote(s) and why you felt it was noteworthy.
  • “When you get home, you realize you are not the same person who left this morning. You are a taker now. Or at least, that’s what you’re convinced the world will think when you head out grocery shopping next month with your telltale Electronic Benefits Transfer (EBT) card.”
    
• Would you be compelled to keep reading if this were not a book club assignment?
• Were there any surprises? Were they effective?
• Was the point of view and character voice consistent?
• What were the major strengths and weaknesses of the book?
• Do you find the narrator(s) and other characters likeable? Believable?
  Of all the people described in the book, who did you most relate to or empathize with, and why?
• Were there any inconsistencies that bothered you?
• How honest do you think the author was being?
• What gaps do you wish the author had filled in? Were there points where you thought he shared too much?
• Is there anything about this book that you want to emulate in your own writing?
• Is there anything that you want to avoid in your own writing?

Wild Game – Book Club Questions

• What do we learn about the author from how she tells her tale—both what she chooses to tell, and the tone of voice in which she tells it? Is this a story about her mother’s misbehavior, or about something else?
• “Our allegiance had always been to Malabar, not each other; we’d grown up like vines willing to strangle each other for sunshine.”
• Revisit the Mary Oliver poem, “The Uses of Sorrow,” that serves as an epigraph to the book. Do you see the darknesses in your own life as gifts, or would you wish some of them away? Is growth possible without suffering?
• What are your thoughts about including poetry in your memoir? Discuss rules for using others’ poems in your work.
• Malabar makes life more interesting for everyone, including us as readers. Do you feel a little bewitched by her charms? Would she be as compelling without her flaws? Discuss the desire to paint yourself and others in a positive or negative light and getting the balance right.
• Do you feel that the author is betraying her mother in telling this story? How do you plan to handle this in your own story?
• How does Malabar upend traditional roles for women, and how does she subscribe to them? How has her mother Vivian’s influence shaped her sense of identity, as well as her relationships with other women?
• Compare Ben’s conduct during the affair to Malabar’s. Whom do you feel more sympathy for? When you look at all the adult characters in the book, is there a villain in this story?
• Rennie has two experiences where time collapses and the layers of her past rush in: just before her wedding and after she gives birth to her daughter (pp. 176, 223). What do these moments do for her? Have you had a similar experience that has granted you a profound glimpse of your life? Are these flashbacks effective?
• The author shows us Cape Cod as a place of beauty, history, and bounty. In what ways does the setting contribute to the meaning of the story? Do you plan to include the setting prominently in your story?
• Brodeur uses water metaphors and imagery throughout the book. Does this common “stream” of water imagery add to the overall effect of the book? Is it ever too much or forced?
  Examples:
• “When Ben stood and pulled Malabar to her feet, the slight tilt of my mother’s head, her incline toward him, made it clear that they’d decided to go ahead with it, as casually and permanently as if they had tossed a stone into the ocean.”
• “The thought roiled in my mind constantly, like a pebble caught in the ocean’s swash.”
• “This left Lily and me to face each other across the shortest gulf, an expanse of a couple of feet; she was close enough to reach across the table and hit me if she wished.”
• Rennie actively reads to help her clarify and articulate her experience. Margot tells her, “You have no idea how much you can learn about yourself by plunging into someone else’s life (138).” What light does this story shed on your own experience as a parent or a child? Have books helped you make sense of your own life?
• This was one of my favorite quotes from the book. It’s a big part of why I love memoir. Seeing pieces of yourself when explained by someone else. Sharing that longing, that awareness, that wriggly feeling that is unclear until it is pinned down by someone else’s words. 
• Is the plot chronological? Or does it veer back and forth between past and present?
• Is there a turning point in this book? If so, where would you place it and why?
• Do any characters change or grow by the end of the story? Do they come to view the world and their relationship to it differently?
• Must the main character change and grow in order for a book to be a satisfying read? Do you feel that your writing shows your growth?
• Throughout the story, Brodeur brings up references to her mother’s necklace. Some of our readers noted that this brought a hit of pleasure to have an item from earlier scenes reappear. Is there anything in your story that you could weaver through your writing to replicate this? Do you have examples of other stories that have done this?
• Share your favorite quote(s) and why you felt it was noteworthy.
• We all know the adage that one lie begets the next. Deception takes commitment, vigilance, and a very good memory. To keep the truth buried, you must tend to it.”
• This is one of those takeaways. See how it’s written in second person? I love moments like this.
• The rules of teenage sexual engagement were unambiguous—there was no going back. I knew that a new starting line had been drawn and the next time we sneaked off together, my exposed breasts would be understood as a given
• Another takeaway – a universal truth
• Would you be compelled to keep reading if this were not a book club assignment?
• Were there any surprises? Were they effective?
• Was the point of view and character voice consistent?
• What were the major strengths and weaknesses of the book?
• Do you find the narrator(s) and other characters likable? Believable?
  Of all the people described in the book, who did you most relate to or empathize with, and why?
• Were there any inconsistencies that bothered you?
• How honest do you think the author was being?
• What gaps do you wish the author had filled in? Were there points where you thought he shared too much?
• Is the ending a surprise or predictable? Does the end unfold naturally? Or is it forced, heavy-handed, or manipulative? Is the ending satisfying, or would you prefer a different ending?
• Is there anything about this book that you want to emulate in your own writing?
• Is there anything that you want to avoid in your own writing?

The Year of Magical Thinking – Book Club Questions

• What’s the point of the book? Does a memoir have to have a point?
• What was the arc of the book? Wasi it a portrait of healing or grief?
• This story crosses the lines between memoir and nonfiction. She uses many quotes and articles to tell her story. What are your thoughts on this approach?
• This book is one that people either love or hate. Which side did you fall on? Do you think it’s okay for a book to evoke such different emotions in readers?
• Consider the tone Didion uses throughout the book, one of relatively cool detachment. Clearly she is in mourning, and yet her anguish is quite muted. How did this detached tone affect your reading experience?
• Some have described this as being too slow. What did you think of the pace? 
• How does Didion use humor? To express her grief, to deflect it, or for another purpose entirely?
• Does Didion pity herself? In what ways does she indulge that impulse, and in what ways does she deny it?
• We are often told as people and as writers that self-pity is an emotion that is off-limits. Didion seems to avoid it to the point that it is apparent in its absence. What are your thoughts on expressing emotions that are unpopular?
• Discuss Didion’s repetition of sentences like “For once in your life just let it go” [pp. 141,174]; “We call it the widowmaker” [pp. 157, 203, 207]; “I tell you that I shall not live two days” [pp. 26, 80, 112, 153, 207]; and “Life changes in the instant.” [pp. 3, 77, 89]. What purpose does the repetition serve? Was it effective? Would you consider doing this in your writing?
• What are your thoughts on name dropping famous people into your writing?
• Didion uses so many flashbacks that this almost feels like stream of consciousness. Did this work for you? How do you feel about flashbacks in writing? Have you felt that too many can water down the story?
• Do any characters change or grow by the end of the story? Do they come to view the world and their relationship to it differently? Must a character depict growth for a story to be effective?
• Share your favorite quote(s) and why you felt it was noteworthy.
• Would you be compelled to keep reading if this were not a book club assignment?
• Were there any surprises? Were they effective?
• Was the point of view and character voice consistent?
• What were the major strengths and weaknesses of the book?
• Do you find the narrator(s) and other characters likable? Believable?
• Of all the people described in the book, who did you most relate to or empathize with, and why?
• Were there any inconsistencies that bothered you?
• How honest do you think the author was being?
• What gaps do you wish the author had filled in? Were there points where you thought he shared too much?
• Is the ending a surprise or predictable? Does the end unfold naturally? Or is it forced, heavy handed, or manipulative? Is the ending satisfying, or would you prefer a different ending?
• Is there anything about this book that you want to emulate in your own writing?
• Is there anything that you want to avoid in your own writing?
• Some people say that an author shouldn’t break the 4th wall or talk about the writing process itself. Joan does this repeatedly. What are your thoughts on her application of this and whether or not you would like to include this in your writing?
• What do you think of the title? What does it mean to you?

Leaving Before The Rains Come – Book Club Questions

• This story is set in Africa and later in the United States.
  • How important is the setting?
  • Do you think writing about a somewhat exotic makes a book more appealing? More Marketable?
• This book covers Fuller’s relationship with her husband and their ultimate divorce. Do you think the depiction of the relationship was handled with care? Was she protecting him? Herself?
• What was the theme of the book? Did the author stay true to this theme or were there too many / not enough interest points to support the theme?
• Were there any stories or sections that took away from the main plot or distracted you?
• Is the story plot-driven, moving briskly from event to event? Or is it character-driven, moving more slowly, delving into characters’ inner-lives?
• What is the story’s central conflict—character vs. character…vs. society…or vs. nature (external)? Or an emotional struggle within the character (internal)? How does the conflict create tension?
• Is the plot chronological? Or does it veer back and forth between past and present?
• Do any characters change or grow by the end of the story? Do they come to view the world and their relationship to it differently?
• Share your favorite quote(s) and why you felt it was noteworthy.
• Would you be compelled to keep reading if this were not a book club assignment?
• What did you think of the book’s length?
• Were there any surprises? Were they effective?
• Was the point of view and character voice consistent?
• What were the major strengths and weaknesses of the book?
• Do you find the narrator(s) and other characters likable? Believable?
• Of all the people described in the book, who did you most relate to or empathize with, and why?
• Were there any inconsistencies that bothered you?
• How honest do you think the author was being?
• What gaps do you wish the author had filled in? Were there points where you thought she shared too much?
• Is the ending a surprise or predictable? Does the end unfold naturally? Or is it forced, heavy handed, or manipulative? Is the ending satisfying, or would you prefer a different ending?
• Is there anything about this book that you want to emulate in your own writing?
• Is there anything that you want to avoid in your own writing?

The Glass Castle – Book Club Questions

• Discuss the metaphor of a glass castle and what it signifies to Jeannette and her father. Why is it important that, just before leaving for New York, Jeannette tells her father that she doesn’t believe he’ll ever build it? (p. 238).
• He carried around the blueprints for the Glass Castle wherever we went, and sometimes he’d pull them out and let us work on the design for our rooms. All we had to do was find gold, Dad said, and we were on the verge of that. Once he finished the Prospector and we struck it rich, he’d start work on our Glass Castle.
  Walls, Jeannette. The Glass Castle: A Memoir (p. 25). Scribner. Kindle Edition. 
• The first story Walls tells of her childhood is that of her burning herself severely at age three, and her father dramatically takes her from the hospital: “You’re safe now” (p. 14). Why do you think she opens with that story, and how does it set the stage for the rest of the memoir?
• The Glass Castle portrays an incredibly hard life. However, she doesn’t revel in seself-pityDiscuss the tone of the book, and how do you think that Walls achieved that effect?
  Example:
  As we fought, they called me poor and ugly and dirty, and it was hard to argue the point. I had three dresses to my name, all hand-me-downs or from a thrift store, which meant each week I had to wear two of them twice. They were so worn from countless washings that the threads were beginning to separate. We were also always dirty. Not dry-dirty like we’d been in the desert, but grimy-dirty and smudged with oily dust from the coal-burning stove. Erma allowed us only one bath a week in four inches of water that had been heated on the kitchen stove and that all of us kids had to share. I thought of discussing the fighting with Dad, but I didn’t want to sound like a whiner. Also, he’d rarely been sober since we had arrived in Welch, and I was afraid that if I told him, he’d show up at school snockered and make things even worse.
  Walls, Jeannette. The Glass Castle: A Memoir (p. 140). Scribner. Kindle Edition.
• Do you think that it’s okay to show self-pity in your writing? How is that different from heartache?
• Despite everything, Jeannette Walls refuses to condemn her parents. Were you able to be equally nonjudgmental? How will you approach this in your own memoir?
• Do you feel like she went too far out of her way to be nice about the parents?
• Share your favorite quote and why you felt it was noteworthy.
• Would you be compelled to keep reading if this were not a book club assignment?
• What did you think of the book’s length?
• Were there any surprises? Were they effective?
• Was the point of view and character voice consistent?
• Wall’s tale is incredible. Did this book make you wonder if your own story was worth telling?
• What were the major strengths and weaknesses of the book?
• Do you find the narrator(s) and other characters likable? Believable?
• Of all the people described in the book, who did you most relate to or empathize with, and why?
• Were there any inconsistencies that bothered you?
• How honest do you think the author was?
• What gaps do you wish the author had filled in? Were there points where you thought he shared too much?
• Did the plot have a satisfying resolution? Did you like the ending, or would you change it?
• Is there anything about this book that you want to emulate in your own writing?
• Is there anything that you want to avoid in your own writing?