Memoir Book Club – What I Was Doing While You Were Breeding by Kristin Newman

Reader rating of 3.85 stars

Our book club discussed What I Was Doing While You Were Breeding by Kristin Newman, and, as usual, opinions were varied. One of the first topics we explored was the title. Some members found it amusing, while others thought it was off-putting or “click-baity.” There was agreement that titles are important as hooks, but they shouldn’t mislead the reader. Several people felt the title promised more depth on Newman’s decision not to have children, which the book didn’t fully deliver.

The book’s feminist angle was another point of discussion. Some expected the book to have more of a feminist message, but the ending, where [SPOILER ALERT] Newman settles into a monogamous relationship, felt contradictory to the independence suggested in the title. Some felt that Newman treated men as a commodity, making it difficult to fully connect with her emotionally. Others appreciated that the book offered a different narrative, showing a woman prioritizing fun and exploration over traditional relationships, which they found refreshing.

Why titles matter and how to find yours:

• https://janefriedman.com/choose-the-perfect-title-for-your-book-7-authors-offer-tips/
• https://thememoirnetwork.com/best-title-for-a-memoir/
• https://www.thewritersforhire.com/whats-in-a-name-8-helpful-tips-for-finding-the-best-title-for-your-memoir/

Context Influences Experience:

Something that came up that I’d not thought about previously was how the previous book you finish influences the next. One member shared that on a previous read, she had just finished a very moving and serious book and didn’t enjoy this book, but after reading something less enjoyable beforehand this time, she found herself laughing out loud. This led to a broader reflection on how a reader’s expectations can be influenced by their previous book choices.

Balancing Comedy and Vulnerability

Newman’s comedic background is evident throughout the book, but there was some debate over whether she struck the right balance between humor and vulnerability. Some members felt the book leaned too heavily on comedy, with little exploration of deeper emotional or self-reflective themes. Others appreciated the humor, feeling it kept them engaged, even if the book lacked emotional depth, others (me!) felt a deep connection with the author and felt the humor was a big part of that. We questioned whether humor could be used to explore serious topics and agreed it can, but it needs to be done with care.

• https://rubyperu.com/humor-has-its-place-even-with-sad-subject-matter/
• https://staceygustafson.com/5-ways-add-humor-memoir/
• https://elizabethspanncraig.com/uncategorized/write-humorous-memoir/

One Anecdote too Many…

We discussed how a collection of anecdotes doesn’t always make a cohesive story. Some felt that Newman’s anecdotes were entertaining but often repetitive, while others found humor in the relatable moments. This led to a reflection on our own writing—how we need to ensure that anecdotes serve the overall narrative arc and contribute to character growth.

• https://www.instagram.com/p/DAV7tSEikEi/?igsh=M291YmViMm9wazU0
• https://www.writersdigest.com/write-better-nonfiction/writing-memoir-scenes-that-work-choosing-what-stays-in-your-memoir-and-what-goes
• https://marionroach.com/2020/02/how-to-choose-scenes-when-writing-memoir/

Overall, we appreciated the humor and fun nature of the book, though many felt it lacked the emotional depth to be truly memorable. Some members were inspired to incorporate more humor into their own writing, while others highlighted the importance of showing growth and emotional connection to elevate their memoirs beyond just entertaining stories.

Memoir Book Club – You Could Make This Place Beautiful by Maggie Smith

This was a divisive one, with some really liking it and others not. Our readers’ average star rating was 3.6 out of 5.

Strong start and finish, swampy middle:

Everyone agreed that Smith’s writing is undeniably beautiful. Her use of metaphors and repetitions initially drew everyone in (particularly the physical symbolism of the pinecone), but as the book progressed, many felt these literary devices were overused. The repeated chapter titled: “A friend says every book begins with an unanswerable question” elicited groans for its frequent appearance.

Smith’s background as a poet both helped and hindered her in this memoir. Some phrases made us ache with their beauty. However, some felt this book should have been abbreviated to a gorgeous poem and felt that the repetitions were simply fillers that diminished the impact of her story.

Perhaps Smith should have followed Stephen King’s & William Faulkner’s advice on “killing our darlings.”

Literary Devices:

Smith’s use of literary devices, especially her tendency to explicitly point them out, garnered mixed reactions. Some members appreciated the insights into the craft, finding it helpful and clever. Others felt it was forced and distracting, and felt her metaphors sometimes bordered on cliché.

Writing Techniques and Advice:

This is the first time many of us have encountered this style of writing. We discussed whether employing Smith’s literary devices or mimicking Frank McCourt’s unpunctuated dialogue might be considered copying. The consensus was that using these techniques isn’t off-limits but rather could invite writers to explore and push boundaries. However, it all depends on skill.

The consensus was that literary devices should be used judiciously and with purpose. Metaphors should stem from personal experiences and be crafted thoughtfully to avoid clichés. Repetition, while useful for cohesion, should not hinder the narrative’s progress or become redundant.

Depth and Vulnerability:

While some felt that Smith had a gorgeous way of expressing relatable emotions, others criticized her for blaming her ex-husband excessively and showing too much self-pity, lacking self-awareness or acknowledgment of her own privilege. This sparked a discussion about the dangers of comparing trauma, reminding us that every person’s experience is valid and unique. It also reminds us that everyday people with ordinary lives deserve to tell their stories. Not all memoirs need to be filled with extraordinary sadness or unusual events to be meaningful and successful.

A crucial part of our discussion revolved around Smith’s depth and vulnerability. Some felt she did not delve deep enough into her own flaws, focusing too much on her ex-husband’s faults. The statement “This isn’t a tell-all, this is a tell mine” was a point of debate, with some appreciating the personal boundary it set and others feeling it limited the memoir’s depth and kept readers from feeling her emotions or connecting with her.

We agreed that while it’s challenging to please everyone with personal narratives, aiming for authenticity and vulnerability is vital.

Memoir Book Club – “Everything I Know About Love” by Dolly Alderton

https://www.meetup.com/memoir-mentors/events/297716726/

In the Memoir Mentors Book Club, we explore memoirs through a writer’s lens. We go beyond the surface of the stories. We dissect memoirs, identifying elements we can integrate into our own writing and those we might want to steer clear of. Our discussions center around the strengths and weaknesses of the writing, providing valuable insights for enriching our writer’s toolboxes.

Come on by for insightful conversations, even if you haven’t read the featured book.

Book club questions can be found here: https://memoirmentors.com/book-club-questions/

This time, we’ll be discussing Everything I Know About Love by Dolly Alderton.

What it’s about:
The wildly funny, occasionally heartbreaking internationally bestselling memoir about growing up, growing older, and learning to navigate friendships, jobs, loss, and love along the ride.

When it comes to the trials and triumphs of becoming an adult, journalist and former Sunday Times columnist Dolly Alderton has seen and tried it all. In her memoir, she vividly recounts falling in love, finding a job, getting drunk, getting dumped, realizing that Ivan from the corner shop might just be the only reliable man in her life, and that absolutely no one can ever compare to her best girlfriends. Everything I Know About Love is about bad dates, good friends and—above all else— realizing that you are enough.

Glittering with wit and insight, heart and humor, Dolly Alderton’s unforgettable debut weaves together personal stories, satirical observations, a series of lists, recipes, and other vignettes that will strike a chord of recognition with women of every age—making you want to pick up the phone and tell your best friends all about it. Like Bridget Jones’ Diary but all true, Everything I Know About Love is about the struggles of early adulthood in all its terrifying and hopeful uncertainty.

Memoir Book Club – “I’m Glad My Mom Died” by Jeannette McCurdy

I’m Glad My Mom Died by Jeannette McCurdy. 
Jennette was six years old when she had her first acting audition. Her mother’s dream was for her only daughter to become a star, and Jennette would do anything to make her mother happy. So she went along with what Mom called “calorie restriction,” eating little and weighing herself five times a day. She endured extensive at-home makeovers while Mom chided, “Your eyelashes are invisible, okay? You think Dakota Fanning doesn’t tint hers?” She was even showered by Mom until age sixteen while sharing her diaries, email, and all her income.

In I’m Glad My Mom Died, Jennette recounts all this in unflinching detail—just as she chronicles what happens when the dream finally comes true. Cast in a new Nickelodeon series called iCarly, she is thrust into fame. Though Mom is ecstatic, emailing fan club moderators and getting on a first-name basis with the paparazzi (“Hi Gale!”), Jennette is riddled with anxiety, shame, and self-loathing, which manifest into eating disorders, addiction, and a series of unhealthy relationships. These issues only get worse when, soon after taking the lead in the iCarly spinoff Sam & Cat alongside Ariana Grande, her mother dies of cancer. Finally, after discovering therapy and quitting acting, Jennette embarks on recovery and decides for the first time in her life what she really wants.

Told with refreshing candor and dark humor, I’m Glad My Mom Died is an inspiring story of resilience, independence, and the joy of shampooing your own hair.

Book club questions can be found here: https://memoirmentors.com/book-club-questions/

Overcoming Feedback Fears to Enhance Your Writing

In collaboration with Creative Questers Munich:
The Art of Using Feedback – integrating constructive criticism without losing your voice

We’re excited to welcome the accomplished author and IP lawyer, Ella Voss. Join us for a valuable session where Ella will share her insights on the art of giving and receiving feedback in the world of writing. As authors, the ability to receive and utilize feedback is crucial for growth and success. Don’t miss this opportunity to enhance your creative journey with her unique perspective.

More about the event:
Ella hosted a private feedback group for several years. Authors met twice a month to share their work and provide constructive criticism.
The big lesson learned was this: Many people are gifted writers full of sparkling ideas, producing amazing first drafts. However, many never make it to the finish line because they lack the ambition or the techniques to edit on the basis of constructive feedback.

After the wild ride of the first draft, good writing typically requires extensive and relentless revising and editing. Even the most talented writer benefits greatly from sharing her/his/their work and from taking on board the feedback received. But hearing others criticize your work is tough, editing is a very personal process. Writers often get discouraged too early or fear losing their authentic voice and end up making only a few cosmetic changes to their work, if at all.

Ella will share techniques for:

1. Developing the mindset to work with feedback without losing yourself.
2. How to deal with feedback that seems overly harsh or toxic.
3. How to know when you are done editing.
4. And finally: How to provide constructive criticism in a writing group (giving and taking typically go hand in hand).

There will be an opportunity for attendees to share their experiences and tips.

About our host:
Ella’s debut novel, Like a Fox to a Swallow, was published in 2021 and was longlisted for the Devon-Cornwall-International-Novel Prize. Ella’s journey as a writer has been shaped by her experiences living in Geneva, London, and Chennai, where she drew inspiration from her encounters with love and life. She is set to release her second book, Almost Happy, a collection of stories and personal essays, by the end of October 2023. Ella’s long short story, “The Germanic Nights,” is also scheduled to appear in Straylight Magazine in Spring 2024. All her stories have been written with the loving support of Munich writing groups.

In her daytime job, Ella Voss is an IP lawyer. When not writing, she is most likely found cooking for her friends or running with her greyhound in the English Garden.

Memoir Book Club – Angela’s Ashes

Angela’s Ashes by Frank McCourt.

Book description:
“When I look back on my childhood I wonder how I managed to survive at all. It was, of course, a miserable childhood: the happy childhood is hardly worth your while. Worse than the ordinary miserable childhood is the miserable Irish childhood, and worse yet is the miserable Irish Catholic childhood.”

So begins the Pulitzer Prize winning memoir of Frank McCourt, born in Depression-era Brooklyn to recent Irish immigrants and raised in the slums of Limerick, Ireland. Frank’s mother, Angela, has no money to feed the children since Frank’s father, Malachy, rarely works, and when he does he drinks his wages. Yet Malachy—exasperating, irresponsible and beguiling—does nurture in Frank an appetite for the one thing he can provide: a story. Frank lives for his father’s tales of Cuchulain, who saved Ireland, and of the Angel on the Seventh Step, who brings his mother babies.

Perhaps it is story that accounts for Frank’s survival. Wearing rags for diapers, begging a pig’s head for Christmas dinner and gathering coal from the roadside to light a fire, Frank endures poverty, near-starvation and the casual cruelty of relatives and neighbors—yet lives to tell his tale with eloquence, exuberance and remarkable forgiveness.
Angela’s Ashes, imbued on every page with Frank McCourt’s astounding humor and compassion, is a glorious book that bears all the marks of a classic.

Book club questions can be found here: https://memoirmentors.com/book-club-questions/

Canadian botanist, biochemist and visionary Diana Beresford-Kroeger’s startling insights into the hidden life of trees have already sparked a quiet revolution in how we understand our relationship to forests. Now, in a captivating account of how her life led her to these illuminating and crucial ideas, she shows us how forests can not only heal us but save the planet.

When Diana Beresford-Kroeger–whose father was a member of the Anglo-Irish aristocracy and whose mother was an O’Donoghue, one of the stronghold families who carried on the ancient Celtic traditions–was orphaned as a child, she could have been sent to the Magdalene Laundries. Instead, the O’Donoghue elders, most of them scholars and freehold farmers in the Lisheens valley in County Cork, took her under their wing. Diana became the last ward under the Brehon Law. Over the course of three summers, she was taught the ways of the Celtic triad of mind, body and soul. This included the philosophy of healing, the laws of the trees, Brehon wisdom and the Ogham alphabet, all of it rooted in a vision of nature that saw trees and forests as fundamental to human survival and spirituality. Already a precociously gifted scholar, Diana found that her grounding in the ancient ways led her to fresh scientific concepts. Out of that huge and holistic vision have come the observations that put her at the forefront of her field: the discovery of mother trees at the heart of a forest; the fact that trees are a living library, have a chemical language and communicate in a quantum world; the major idea that trees heal living creatures through the aerosols they release and that they carry a great wealth of natural antibiotics and other healing substances; and, perhaps most significantly, that planting trees can actively regulate the atmosphere and the oceans, and even stabilize our climate.

This book is not only the story of a remarkable scientist and her ideas, it harvests all of her powerful knowledge about why trees matter, and why trees are a viable, achievable solution to climate change. Diana eloquently shows us that if we can understand the intricate ways in which the health and welfare of every living creature is connected to the global forest, and strengthen those connections, we will still have time to mend the self-destructive ways that are leading to drastic fires, droughts and floods.

Find book club questions here: https://memoirmentors.com/book-club-questions-2-2/